AppuZa

The Spark

2012-02-11T18:38:00.000-08:00

I'm most creative when...
I am under pressure. When I am challenged, I feel if anyone I can do this.

If I were a color, I would be...
Blue, deep as the deep blue sea. Lot of depth and wisdom.

I often imagine myself...
In a nice colorful floral dress, dancing

I really wish I know how to...
Swim. It would be nice to get over the fear.

I would love to spend a lazy sunday...
Staying home, sleeping in, relaxing watching tv, hanging out with hubby

My secret talent is...
Guessing the end of a movie within the first 20 minutes of the movie.

New Year - 2012

2012-01-04T20:20:00.000-08:00

New Year, new life.

I am going to focus on me this year. Well me my parents and my brother and hubby. Pretty much all the people of my life.

Last year goals were well achieved...
1. paid off the car
2. paid credit card debt...
3. Save money to buy a house.

This year these are my new goals:
1. Maybe baby
2. Pay off student loan
3. Help parents with their home building in India
4. Shamrock Shuffle
5. Fight for air
6. Maybe MBA Write GMAT.

Time to focus on my future. And not dwell on the past. Past is past, can't seem to change it. Trust me i have tried. Esp. the people. Time to have some distance with everyone. Time to install some boundaries and close off doors.

Not too bad of goals right... Let's see what i will achieve this year....

Turn of switch

2011-09-18T11:55:00.001-07:00

It was lucky's 2nd birthday yesterday. I have realized that my life took another turn.

So far people have been nourishing me. I have been taken care of at parties or with parents or relatives. They made sure i was entertained and having fun. Now I have to do that for someone. I have to play the adult role. I am being called 'aunty.' I have to direct and make sure the kids are enjoying themselves. See to there needs. I miss being on the other side. But it's not bad being on this side. I quiet enjoyed myself - growing up. And it helps that all the kids liked me.

Does this mean that I am ready to be a parent. I know it's not an easy job. So many challenges, fears, etc. You require so much patients. It's a full time job. I see parent's who snap at their kids because they (parents) are not having a good day. I hope i won't be like that. I don't hope, i will try my best to be not like that.

Everyone at this party was wishing that I have kids. The priest blessed me to have twins. My mother-in-law dreamed that i have 2 chubby twin girls. The only person who now has to bless is my doctor. And God of course.

God please be kind and let me not loose my body. Help me loose my fear. Am I ready?

New day dreams...

2011-09-14T18:17:00.000-07:00

I used to daydream about many things... Success at work, dream boy, marriage day. Now I am starting to dream of pregnancy.... Scary but maybe that means I am ready

Relationships

2011-09-08T20:07:00.000-07:00

From the moment we are born into this world we are lied to. The first lie comes from our mother. She promises to never hurt you and never let harm come near you. It is a silly promise because she will not be able to control life that is about to happen to this innocent child. This innocent child will grow up and not be so innocent anymore. He/She will break some hearts and make some promises he/she won't be able to keep and hence the cycle continue. We are truly alone, we are born alone and we die alone...

Human relations are so volatile. If it a java code, then it is not very thread safe. For a while it seems like the perfect code, bug free, and then you get stuck in a dead lock. Can't get out, no way out. The process needs to be killed Unless you end the relationship itself.

But is that the answer. When it gets tough do we end it.? Some relationships i have had shocked me. They shocked me because they began with a lie, a promise that eventually got broken. It not only ended the relationship, but it changed me forever. I was not the same person anymore. How could one event change me so much. I loved this person and thought she could do no harm but she did.

So I am stuck with one question. What do I do? couple of solutions
1. Ignore, pretend nothing happened - i don't think i could do that
2. Forgive and Forget - I can forgive, it is in me, but can i forget, it will never be the same
3. Leave the relationship - so easy choice. sounds right.

Here is another way to think about it.

1. Yes they have been there for me +20
2. Yes they have hurt me -10 (good seems to out weight the bad) BUT
3. Knowing what i know would i have felt the same way i felt before getting in too deep - NO, it is not worth it.

So when the bad weights the good out, why bother. End it. Finish it. Is it that simple?

My sketch of NTR.. Amature but tried!

2011-09-08T20:06:00.000-07:00

Arbor Day Tree Planting

2011-05-01T07:43:00.001-07:00

Fight For Air

2011-05-01T07:41:00.001-07:00

New Experiences new changes....

2011-05-01T07:39:00.000-07:00

I want my life to change. I no longer want to be stuck in relationship rut. Here are few new things i did that i would never have done before.....

Presidential Towers climb for Fight for Air
Shamrock Shuffle 8K
Arbor Day Tree Planting

Photos coming....

King's Speech

2011-03-20T13:43:00.000-07:00

What an inspiring movie! It is one of the few oscar worthy movies and mostly because of the script and action. Colin Firth is amazing, we deserved oscar.

Epiphany

2011-03-08T19:35:00.000-08:00

I had an epiphany today...

tomidhi nelalu mosina ammaina, eppudo appudu ni todu vadilestundhi ga

now i know what has been bothering me and now i can move past this. Don't look for answers from someone always look within.

Diva like

2011-02-25T17:08:00.000-08:00

Birthdays make you diva like... thank god it's over. I am back... 27 years old and 2 more to go for the big 30

It's my birthday

2011-02-24T16:59:00.000-08:00

It's my birthday....

I am getting calls over calls. But I feel so empty inside. I am touched by people I loved but I feel untouched. Why am I feeling this way. Why is there this emptiness in my heart. I am looking answer and not finding it outside. Is it because God left me and I let him. I feel drained by relationships, disappointments and people in general. No one seems to be what I thought they are. Everyone has hurt me, I don't want to have any deep relationships or attachments. If not now they will break your heart. so why bother.

Something old becomes new

2011-02-02T19:19:00.000-08:00

This world is truly small. These are some short experiences for me

1. Met a neighbor friend in IIT conference.
2. Met school classmate from JHPS in temple in Pitsburg
3. Met my waterloo friend in Chicago, IL (she moved here after marriage)

The world is truly small or it just seems that way to me. Either way I am excited that Namratha (waterloo friend) moved to Chicago. Something old is new again.... Old aquaitance is new again.

First day at your first job

2011-02-01T19:32:00.000-08:00

I remember the jitters. Will I survive this and will I make it in this world. An intern joined our company today and I can see the fear in her face. I am sure my brother who just started working is feeling the same way.

If one thing I learned in the last 5 years of working, yes it's been 5 years since I was a student! Can you believe it? I am no longer the junior kid, or the youngest in the group. Kind of miss that attention. But on the flip side I am not the naive any more. I can handle the dynamics of work life. I have some experience. I am not the most experienced, not the best in the lot, but I consider myself a good developer.

Any way back to what I learned in the past 5 years is that time flies fast. Hence, the place you are stuck in right now won't last forever. Work is very fulfilling as long as you have balance in life. I could tell this to my brother but it's a lesson one has to learn on their own. Their experiences will teach it to them, good or bad.

Back to the 5 year thing... omg can you believe it, it's been 5 years since I started working! And 10 years since I graduated from high school... yes I got my 10 year reunion party! Next thing I know there will be kids popping out of me, so help me GOD.

Qs I want to ask myself

2011-01-23T20:32:00.000-08:00

I got this suggestion from O Magazine..... Every day we ask questions to our self... Am I wearing my seat belt right now? What should I eat today? Did I turn off the oven? Lot of these questions are crucial for life. What about questions we ask for our soul? Were here are mine I ask my self!

1. Why do I not get motivated to hit the gym?
2. Why do I like chips over sweets?
3. Why do I have to finish a whole bag of chips? Why can't I eat with proportions for the day?
4. Why do I not let go of the relationship problems in my life? Why do they always come back to haunt me?
5. Why is it so easy for me to be a vegetarian but not be a healthy eater?
6. Why am I here? What am I meant to do in this life?
7. Where am i wrong?
8. What memories am I bartering and is the profit worth the price?
9. Why am I lazy?
10. Why do I thinks thoughts that hurt and not heal, when I know I should
11. Why is it that I am so successful in most aspects of my life but lack in some, mainly certain relationships (why the hell do I care) and my weight?
12. Am I stagnated in my life right now? Should I be kicking something now? Why am I not motivated to do so?
13. Will I be a good mom? When ever that may be...

Relationship Drought

2011-01-08T15:46:00.000-08:00

When a person leaves a relationship they leave a mark, but why does the mark turn into a scar

One person walked out of my life. It had nothing to do with me. It had something to do with my family feud (that has been going on since before my birth) She was supposed to be objective about the position I was in and understand my feeling but she choose to walk away. Her lose right.

Another example is one my friend. She was going though a rough patch. Divorce. She was trying to to move on with her life and I helped her, at least I thought I was helping her find a job in chicago. However she found a job in another place and moved away. Which is completely fine and I was very happy for her but the thing that hurt me was she never told me in person her dicision and lied to my face and constantly told me she took the chicago job and couldn't have the fact to tell me 'thank you but no thanks' She started avoiding my calls, stopped calling me. She was disrespectful to the friendship and who I was.

There are many more examples like this. Why can't they be straight to me. Why can't they be honest? Why do people have to be petty. If I come out of the box called my life and I see my self with all my relationships I see that I am expecting all the people in my life to live for greatness. I am expecting them to never make mistakes and to be more than human.

After this and many more disappointing relationships with friends and family members. I am giving up on them. My husband tells me I should have that many expectations on people. But I can't help myself. If I give them a hand to shake then I expect them to extend there hand to shake back.

God give me strength to walk alone

Ganesha

2011-01-03T21:32:00.001-08:00

Hi Ganesha,

Thank you for coming into my life in many forms. I thought it was the lost cause after one of your idols broke, but you kept manifesting in my life through gifts from others. I drew this ganesha out of my heart.

Love,

Aparna

Old times remembered

2010-12-29T17:57:00.000-08:00

Miss all the eagan fun. Miss u gals and krishna who is not in this pic

Why are relationships so complicated?

2010-12-29T16:08:00.000-08:00

Have you ever got an answer to this question- ' Why are relationships so complicated?

Why is there so much misunderstandings and mistrust between people. In my recent times I have seen relationships fall out. Siblings who were close for the last 50 years had a fallout. And everything they were for each other all these years has been undone on one situations. Are relationships this fragile? Are they as delicate as a flower petal that they blow away with one blow, with one miss-understanding!

In my short life I have also seen relationships build. Where there was no love lost between brothers, there was immanence love created in time. Life lessons have thought these brothers how to put aside their egos and help and be there for each other. I have seen husband and wife truly fall in love after 15 some years of marriage and many mistakes.

What worked in this case? Is it patience? Because i don't think anyone of these people were trying to be patient! Was it luck? Is there such a thing in life? Is it god's grace? Maybe.

One thing I saw is that... no matter what these brothers didn't leave in the relationship. I don't mean leave as physically leaving the building, I mean leaving the relationship because things got rough. I am not talking about abusive relationships here (either emotional or physical) I am talking about real relationships!

Another reason is Expectations! People change and with change brings new expectations. And with new expectations there is disappointments. And then there is unrealistic expectations.

Another reason is people live in dream world. They don't see people for who they really are. This is one of the mistakes I made. I put people in pedestal and expect nothing less but greatness. Even though they show their true self one in a while. I ignore it and make excuses for them. I think they will change, and keep going with my dream world. Until reality sets in, and the last straw is drawn and I see them for who they really are, less than perfect, Human! It is shocking for me to come to this realization. At the end it feels like I am the idiot for not seeing it coming.

So what can we do to make relationships work. Now that's a million dollar question. If know the answer I would be rich. I would save all broken marriages, and no parents will end up in old age homes because their kids will take care of them and there would be world peace.

Heaven

2010-12-22T16:28:00.000-08:00

Where is Heaven?

Heaven is where mom is! I am in my parent's living room. My mom is cooking my favorite food. And the smell, oh my. Fried rice with raitha, it's filled with amazing spices and vegetables but mostly my mother's love, the best ingredient.

I can never get too old for this. Love you amma

If I had all the money in the world...

2010-12-20T18:52:00.000-08:00

Ok maybe not all the money but lets say million dollars:

I would firstly secure my parents future.
I would buy my self a beautify home
Have 2 kids
Travel
Invest

Dear Dad

2010-12-09T19:50:00.000-08:00

Here are the 101 reasons why you are the best...

1. I am your daughter and I know it
2. You are kind
3. You are wonderful
4. You are an inspiration
5. I admire you
6. You are a great son
7. You have dreams
8. You believe in the best of me
9. You are individualistic
10. You are sensitive
11. You want whats best for me
12. You compromise
13. You are Unique
14. You are a good husband
15. You believe in God
16. You are heroic
17. You live in US for us
18. You are unique
19. You are caring
20. You work
21. You are my hero
22. You are my mother's hero
23. You shine like a star
23. I love you
24. You are gentle
25. You are a gentlemen
26. You are a good friend
27. You are a great brother
28. You are there for me
29. You don't drink
30. You don't smoke
31. You don't party
32. You don't do drugs
33. You listen to me (well sometimes)
34. Its fun to talk to you
35. You give me foot massages, even if you are tired
36. You have a good sense of fashion
37. You have a good sense of humor
38. You are cool.
39. I love the way you say 'What's up Man'
40. You are handsome
41. You shave
42. You wear cool cloths
43. You yell at me when I am wrong
44. You yell at me when I am selfish
45. You are a good influence.
46. You are respectable
47. You are respected
48. Cause mommy says so
49. Because I am taking time to write this
50. I already have 50 down for you
51. You have Indian Culture
52. You love India and America and Canada
53. You sing sweet
54. I love when you sing in the car
55. You are a good father in law
56. You are a good dancer (love to see you dance with shashank)
57. You are a bad actor
58. You did 2 movies (my movie star)
59. You always spend money on me
60. You trust me
61. You rock
62. You love farming
63. You are down to earth
64. Mom is head over heals for you
65. You love me
66. You love mom
67. You love Vamsi
68. You love Shashank
69. You love everyone I love
70. You want to be there for us
71. You are a perfectionist
72. You show your tears
73. You have a wonderful heart
74. You made a good person out of me
75. You have a great smile
76. You have a handsome laugh
77. You wear glasses
78. You say 'no' sometimes
79. You are almost right about everything and everyone
80. You are not perfect
81. You have flaws
82. You are an Idle
83. I admire you
84. You have stories to tell. (Love your bed time stories)
85. You listen to good music
86. You listen to mom
87. You put up with mine and vamsi's crap
88. You put up with mom's crap (don't tell her I said this)
89. You love and respect my mother (a best thing a father can do)
90. You carried the burdens for us
91. You change for us in a good way
92. You are loved by people around you
93. We have a lot in common
94. Vamsi is your son
95. You have a good, pleasant personality
96. I think you are
97. For Scale 1 to 10, 1 being worst and 10 being the best, I give you 8
98. No one can have 9 or 10, that's not a perfect dad's definition. Dad's got to have flaws
99. You are simply the best
100. See I already have 100 reasons, need I say more
101. Cause I said so...

Love you Daddy, Your little girl ( Amma Dhayi)

I wish I could...

2010-11-25T11:49:00.000-08:00

I wish I could....

1. Meet Oprah and have a nice little conversation.
2. Go to Jerusalem and see what the promised land is all about
3. Be in the cover of a magazine
4. Be in a makeover show - maybe fashion or house makeover
5. Have a small little puppy to love and care (and of course my husband does all the work)

I am putting this out in the universe and let's see what happens?

If you do the Ordinary, God will do the extra-Ordinary

2010-11-07T05:49:00.001-08:00

I started this blog in order to share a little about myself. I have always been positive in this blog but I realized if this blog is about me, it should be both positive and negative and everything about me... So I am changing the theme of this blog.... It is more of a diary about me now...

God, If only I was thinner....

Thank you for giving me the answer today

* The creator of the universe has lined up everything to help me overcome
* God can multiple my strength
* If God is before me, who dares to be against me
* God can take something ordinary and turn it into extra-ordinary
* God is trying to get my attention, sending me hearth ache, pain and suffering. He wants you to rely on him.

Use what I have and God will take me where I need to be
God has put the people, opportunity and resources in front of me. They may look insignificant but with his blessing I can do it. The people around me who will support me are my husband, mom and dad. The resources are already there I just need to look at them. The opportunity is there and most of all God's blessing. I just need to realize and be ready myself.

What I need is the attitude. This is harder than school/college degree. But that's just in my mind. God help me overcome my body consciousness and this fear. Help me I am getting lost in this negative attitude.

I know I have to take the baby steps, every small decision counts. It's like an addiction but with your grace I can overcome it instantaneously. Why do i need to think of it as overcome, when you are there it should be that easy help me overcome it now. What can I do to get started. Should I fast for a day, will that help me believe in myself. What is the answer. How do I step in your grace.

I know when I was looking for a good job and I prayed. You solved the problem after two months and that took patients, is that what I need now. But this challenge's solution is everyday. Everyday I have to win, every second I have to win. I have faith in you and I need faith in myself. You gave me this body and you know how to make it effective. Help me have the best body so it doesn't restrict me from being the best self.

Thank you Baba, I am greatfuly for everything you have given me in life, my great parents and my great husband. And my great career. Please help me achieve this one too.

My Fav Actor

2010-10-11T09:06:00.000-07:00

I am not a big celebrity fan. I don't follow or go gaga over any actor/actress. But there is one actor I admire and would love to meet. Maurice Benard. He suffers from Bipolar Disorder. I admire his strength and courage.

I am a Maurice Benard Fan.

My Fav Cake

2010-10-05T18:33:00.000-07:00

My Favorite cake is black forest cake. Oh the chocolate cake and the yummy whip cream. yum. It is not my favorite because it tasty but because it is my comfort food. A favorite person of mine gifted it to me to lift my blues.

Grand Parents

2010-10-04T20:19:00.000-07:00

It is very special to have grandparents. I have been truly blessed. It's like having your own set of admirers. At the prime of their age they were like any other adult. They had their strengths and they made their mistakes. But old age turned them to children. They seem to need so much love and reassurance. I love them and miss having them with me. I can't wait to see them.

To be or not to be traditional….

2010-10-02T00:20:00.001-07:00

I grew up in the India or maybe United States. You see I came to US when I was 13 years old. So it's hard to define me as an Indian or an American. What is my identity? Where do I belong?

I grew up (post 13) being confused. Should I follow the traditional life my parents have bestowed upon me? Or should I follow my peers? After a painful confused 10 years of my life, at age 21 it dawned upon me that I did not have to pick one. I can be whatever I wanted to be. I can choose to be traditional at some aspects of my life and not the other. Whatever made me and happy and comfortable.

Finally after multiple disagreements, drawing of boundaries with my parents and relatives I was about to find a balanced happy life. Until I got married!!!!!

Don’t get me wrong I am content with my marriage. I love my husband and am convinced that he is my sole-mate. We are the best fit for each other. But the problem is …. To be or not be traditional!

Suddenly my choice is no longer mine. I can no longer choose for myself when to be traditional and when to be modern. My modern yet traditional view of myself is no longer the same.

To bluntly put it… I know what my in-law family would like me to be... I know what my husband would like me to be... Traditional. Wear traditional long hair. Speak in more respectful Telugu language (never mind if I respect or not.) Cook for all. Clean for all. Be lovingly serving person. Basically all the Indian wifely duties Change the last name.

I am here at the state of my life and confused on not what to be but how to let these people know that it is up to me to be traditional. I am not sure how to explain to these people that growing long hair does not define any Indian culture. Speaking respectful Telugu does not define any respect. Changing last name does not defy family its love. The cooking and the cleaning and the duties are usual.

As I am writing this I am feeling that I am fighting a battle. I realize that I am not fighting this battle not with them but with myself. I am back to square one… Who am I? Who do I want to be? What do I want to choose? This state of confusion is holding me back on being the best me and sharing the best life with my husband. How do I set boundaries with everyone around me to give them some of me and yet hold back at some to what makes me me!

I guess I will figure it out as life moves…

Marriage Agrees with me

2010-02-04T19:49:00.000-08:00

I never thought I would feel this comfortable sharing my self with a person. Marriage agrees with me. I feel enriched and empowered just to have this person in my life. Shashank...

Proud fan of NTR

2009-02-05T11:21:00.000-08:00

Well I officially admit I am a fan, fan of the Senior NTR.

Here is a pic of my grandmother with him:

Sarah McLachlan - Ice (Afterglow Live)

2008-09-12T11:30:00.001-07:00

My fav singer singing my fav song!

Lyrics....

The ice is thin come on dive in
underneath my lucid skin
the cold is lost, forgotten
Hours pass days pass time stands still
light gets dark and darkness fills
my secret heart forbidden...
I think you worried for me then
the subtle ways that I'd give in but I know
you liked the show
tied down to this bed of shame
you tried to move around the pain but oh
your soul is anchored

The only comfort is the moving of the river
You enter into me, a lie upon your lips
offer what you can, I'll take all that I can get
only a fool's here...

I don't like your tragic sighs
as if your god has passed you by well hey fool
that's your deception
your angels speak with jilted tongues
the serpent's tale has come undone you have no
strength to squander

The only comfort is the moving of the river
You enter into me, a lie upon your lips
offer what you can, I'll take all that I can get
only a fool's here to stay
only a fool's here to stay
only a fool's here...

Break some Rules (Ok only if it's safe)

2008-09-08T07:59:00.000-07:00

Man Beat NFL Rules by Changing Last Name to “Ocho Cinco”

Wide receiver Chad Johnson of the Cincinnati Bengals wanted to put his nickname Ocho Cinco (his jersey number "eight five" in Spanish) on the back of his uniform, but strict NFL rules only allow for real surnames.

So what did Chad do? He got his name legally changed to Chad Ocho Cinco! So the NFL now had no choice but to let him do it

I guess my title here doesn't make any sense since he didn't break any rules, he just worked around it... The old way is not always the right way.

Rules and norms are there to govern us. They help our society stay unified. Please note that I am not talking about law/government. It is strictly rules/norms that are imposed on society by society. In the NFL case the rule was the jersey name on the back worn by the players must match their last name. Imagine if there was no rule. Any one could have any name. People could use profane language, and that’s not good because children do watch NFL!

So there is a reason that rules exist... But that doesn't mean we can't work around them. Say you are given a sheet of paper with a rectangle box in the center. You are then asked to color the box with your favorite color (I would pick pink!!!!) and the rule was to color the box. Would you color inside the box or outside? I would color the entire paper with different pink shades... since the paper itself is a rectangle box (Creative huh!)

Grandmas Don't Know Everything

2008-06-23T15:28:00.000-07:00

He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while.

When he came into the house and asked her, 'Grandma, what's that thing called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the ther?'

She was a little taken aback, but she decided to just tell him the truth. 'It's called sexual intercourse, darling'.

Little Tony just said, 'Oh, OK,' and went back outside to play with the other kids.

A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, 'Grandma, it isn't called sexual intercourse. It's called Bunk Beds. And Jimmy's mom wants to talk to you.'

~~~~Found it somewhere. Thought it was hilarious... ~~~~~

Panduranga Mahatyam - Jaya Krishna Mukunda Murari

2008-06-20T11:52:00.001-07:00

My Dad's Favorite song!

My Fav Cartoon!

2008-06-20T11:11:00.000-07:00

Dear God, If you are listening

2008-06-20T10:02:00.000-07:00

Dear God,

I really appreciate and am grateful that I have a good job and a secure life right now. I am also grateful for my family and well-wished long-distance friends. I am also grateful for a good and quiet roommate. I still have all parts of my body etc. Health is good, thank you for that.

But I just have one complaint. Why do you keep throwing new potential friends who are either married or are students into my life? You know married people are busy rotting at their homes. Students are pretty much busy with school and are poor. So basically they can never hang out and do things I want to do. Why do I keep meeting interesting people only in these categories. If this is a practical joke you are playing on me, IT’S NOT FUNNY.

Ok, sorry for yelling at you. Please, please, please let me meet one interesting person in Minnesota that is not weird and is not married and is not a student.

I will really appreciate it.

Thanks,

Aparna

Missing my Sony

2008-06-17T21:40:00.001-07:00

I hated dogs. I can still recall our neighborhood dog chasing me around our colony back in India. I was only 10. Oh man, I cried hysterically that night. My mom couldn't calm me down. I then developed this phobia for DOGS (big surprise!!!) If I see a dog being walked by its owner on the same path I am walking on, I would cross the road and walk the opposite direction. Let a dog near me... NO WAY!!!!

But all this changed when my dad and brother brought Sony home! I was on the couch for weeks. I would not let that puppy near me. I mean she peed and pooped everywhere. Barked loudly. Chewed on everything and I was mostly scared that it would ... well ... chew me. Uhh I hated her.

I don't know when the transition happened. May be it happened when I started to care for her instead of loathing her. Maybe it was the first pat. Maybe it was her excitement to be around me. Maybe it happened when she finally managed to jump on the sofa and to sit next to me. Maybe it was her eyes! Maybe it happened when she sprained her ankle and was in a cast hopping around the house. Maybe it was when she started to behave. I don't know when it happened but it happened.

I started to accept her as a living being that might not bite me. And then I started to accept that I might play with her, and then maybe hug her and then love her like family. She is my Sony-gadu. She changed my life. She brought joy back to my life. Her simple happiness was breath taking. Her personality, her persistence to get the ball from under the sofa and her nagging us to feed her earlier than her eating time all got to me. Her joy whenever we got home from an outing. Her whining when we left the home. Her brattiness when she forgets that she is trained and pees in the house. The revelation came that I cared for this creature/beast was when she got hurt and had to be in a cast. She was so tiny, my little puppy Sony, in so much pain, yet she was ready to please and play. Her anxiety at the vets and how she clung to me and my brother as if she trusted us over the vet was a revelation. She made me realize that life exists in different forms. Feelings, pain, love etc can be left by other animals.

I am missing my Sony today. I come home to my apartment here in Eagan and no one runs to me all excited to just see me!

When in Rome, be a Roman (NOT!)

2008-06-15T01:22:00.000-07:00

When in Rome, don't be Roman, covert the Romans into Indian! Just kidding. I have officially converted sherri into an Indian.

Happy Birthday Rashi

2008-06-10T20:19:00.001-07:00

Thank you Rashi for teaching me the meaning of Friendship! Thank you for being there when I needed you. I love you.

Happy Birthday!

The Meaning of my Name

2008-06-04T14:09:00.000-07:00

Did you ever ask your parents why they named you with your name?

My dad named me after my grand parents. My paternal grandfather's name is Appa Rao. Both my paternal and maternal grandmother's names is Swarna. Combined comes Aparna. But my name is an anciant indian name aswell.

Aparna is one of the names of godess Sakti/Parvathi, Hindu God of Destruction and Rejuvination. She is 1/2 part Shiva. It's true meaning is A (without) Parna (Leaf) - Without a leaf!

Here is the story on how Parvathi was named Aparna...

"Himavan – The King of the snow-clad peaks of Himalayas and his wife Mena gave birth to a beautiful daughter, Uma, also known as Parvati, daughter of the mountains.

Parvati was Sati re-born, the mother-goddess herself, determined to make Shiva a householder once again.
After Sati had immolated herself in her father Daksha’s Palace, being humiliated before all the Gods by her very own father who denounced her husband Shiva as a wild, beastly, indecent vagabond - Shiva full of remorseful agony for his dead wife, isolated himself and led a reclusive life in the icy caves of the Himalayas in his abode – Mount Kailasa. He rejected the world outside.

Determined to draw Shiva out of his cave and make him her consort, every day, Parvati crossed the cold mountain valleys and went into his cave with gifts of fruits and flowers, hoping to win his love. She would sweep the floor and tend to the fire, so that he might take notice of her.

He never did. Not even once did he open his eyes to look upon her charming face. He either meditated or he smoked his pipe, the chillum, and lost himself in narcotic dreams. Parvati knew that she wanted Shiva for a husband. But how would she win his heart if he never looked her way?

Death of Kama
Parvati invoked Priti (the goddess of love and longing) and Rati (the mistress of erotica), to rouse Shiva out of his meditation. They entered Shiva’s desolate cave and transformed it into a pleasure garden of fragrant flowers, spring breezes, dancing nymphs, buzzing bees and singing mynahs. Kama – The God of Lust and Desire also joined in with his Consort – Rati, and with his sugarcane bow sent love-darts and arrows dripping with desire into Shiva’s heart.

Shiva was rather furious than amused. In his anger, he opened his third eye and with a flame of fury engulfed Kama’s beautiful body and reduced it to ashes. With desire so brutally crushed, the cosmic sage resumed his meditation.

“What have you done?” cried Rati, Kama’s beloved Consort. “Without desire, the bull will forsake the cow, the horse, the mare and the bees, the flowers. There will be no homes, no families, as men and women will not love each other. Society will collapse and life will be devoid of its very essence. Desire may be the cause of suffering; but it is also the reason for joy. What is life without it? An existence without flavor.”
Rati’s lamentations moved Shiva. He saw the wisdom in her words. He realized that complete rejection of the world made little sense. Living had its price - suffering; it also had its reward – joy. One came with the other. Together they gave a reason for surviving.

The death of Kama alarmed the Gods: “Without the Lord of Desire, man will not embrace woman and life will cease to be.”

Parvati said: “I shall find another way to win Shiva’s heart. When Shiva becomes my consort, Kama will be re-born.

Parvati’s Penance
Parvati realized that she had to prove the earnestness of her feelings if she wished to be Shiva’s Consort. Perhaps he would marry the mountain princess, if her love for him was true. With her he would find the balance between Yoga and Bhoga.

She went into the forest and performed rigorous Tapas, wearing nothing to protect her tender body from the harsh weather, eating nothing, not even a leaf, earning the admiration of the forest ascetics, Sadhus and Sages, who named her Aparna – the leafless one.

Parvati focused her mind on Shiva. She thought of nothing but him. She ate nothing, drank nothing, she only chanted his name. She sat so still that ants began to crawl on her skin and lizards slithered over her limbs, taking her to be a rock. The Sages were impressed by the determination of the mountain princess to endure such an endless fast for so long a time. They gathered around her and blessed her. “She is Aparna, the girl who refuses to eat even a leaf,” they said.

Aparna matched Shiva in her capacity to cut herself from the world and completely master her physical needs. The power of her Tapas shook Shiva out of his meditation. Her persistence was amazing. Shiva was impressed. He stepped out of his cave and accepted Parvati as his wife. He married her in the presence of the Gods with sacred rites before the holy fire. The cosmos rejoiced.

Parvati melted Shiva’s stern heart with her affection. Together they played dice on Mount Kailasa and sported on the banks of Lake Mansarovar, discovering the joys of married life. The Goddess also awakened Shiva’s concern for the world by questioning him on various issues about nature, society, life and marriage. As he spoke, he revealed the secrets of the Tantras, the mysteries of the Vedas and the splendors of the Shastras that he had gathered in eons of meditation. Thus his great wisdom was revealed for the good of the cosmos. Parvati was the perfect student, Shiva the perfect teacher. The world was enriched by these sacred discourses. Inspired by Parvati’s beauty, Shiva became the fountain-head of music, dance and drama. He sang and danced to the delight of the Gods who were pleased to see his enchantment with the Goddess. He came to be known as Lord of the Arts – Kaleshvar.

The Cosmic Couple
Parvati and Shiva complemented each other perfectly. She was gentle and graceful; he was wild and forceful. She domesticated Shiva and turned him into a householder, much to the satisfaction of the Gods. She softened the stern hermit with sweet words; her smile stirred love in his austere heart. When she embraced Shiva and the two became one in a sacred union, Kama – the Lord of Desire – the catalyst of all creative forces – was re-born. The twang of the Love-God’s Bow and the fragrance of spring filled the air. The cosmos and the Gods cheered this divine union. "

That's the story behind my name. I am not sure if I will inherit Parvathi qualities of persistence and determination, but I am happy that my parent's have given me this name.

So what's the story behind your name?

A pinch of Family

2008-06-04T09:32:00.000-07:00

My cousin brother's graduation get together.

It felt really good to finally see my family.

Mom, brother, me and Dad. I feel proud to be independent yet close to my family.

That's my younger brother... Miss hanging out with him.

Thats my extended family. Thats not even 1/2 of them. Maybe 1/7th

My brothers. There are 2 more missing from the picture. I don't even know how to express what it feels like to be a sister to these guys. (Brats I say)

New Roommate New Beginnings...

2008-05-19T14:18:00.001-07:00

Sherri is moving in Today! She seems nice and friendly.

Can't wait to get to know her better...

Some Animals I would like to have as pets.

2008-05-16T10:21:00.000-07:00

Firstly a dog....

That's my little baby girl, Sony.

For a bird I would like to have a peacock...

They are so beautiful and elegant to look at....

For a wild animal I choose a Turtle.

I feel turtles have an old soul. They have been here from the beginning of the creation of earth. They represent wisdom to me. I feel calm and peaceful just to look at them.

Saying Good bye is hard!

2008-05-14T09:08:00.001-07:00

My roommate is leaving...

Every time I go into the living room and see more packed boxes, I get bummed out. I hate that Emily is leaving. By far she has been the best roommate I have had. She is nice, clean, considerate and friendly. What else can any one ask for?

I have had some crazy roommates…
1. Horrible Cook (left meat in the garbage can for a good 3 weeks until it smelled... (Can’t describe any further, I am sure you got the picture)
2. Party animal (could the music be any louder)
3. Drama Queen(s) ~ they are so special the world revolves around them.
4. Psycho(s) - Literally, childhood issues I am sure.

The list can go on. I still haven't grasped the concept of why certain woman can never live with other women.

My only sane roommate is leaving and a new one is moving in.. The new one seems nice. Hopefully, she will not be any of the above.

The best thing about Emily is she is very friendly. Her character appeals to me. She is persistent, hardworking, simple, soft-spoken and compassionate. She is easy to be around. I like her because she makes things simple for herself and others. She does not hold high expectations towards others and looks for simple things to make her happy. I like people like her who don't over complicate their lives. It's easy to understand them and it's even easier to communicate with them.

Emily and I did a lot of fun things, walking around St. Paul, backing cookies, playing Wii, watching Friends, dying eggs, making jewelry, shopping, many other things; and of course the good old girl talk.

Without any regrets I wish Emily all the best in her education, family and career. She deserves it. With that in mind, I hope that the new roommate will bring in different experiences to my life.

Orkut/Facebook

2008-05-14T09:06:00.000-07:00

Ok! I admit to having joined Orkut and Facebook addiction club. I expect to see all my friends there now! :D

Stay Hungry | Stay Foolish

2008-05-09T14:01:00.001-07:00

Word!

Daddy's Little Girl

2008-04-16T17:24:00.001-07:00

I am missing my dad. He is back from India in Detroit and I am not going to see him till May 31st.

When ever I miss my daddy I just listen to this song. It seems like a sad song to look at... but when my dad sings (even now) it is just a drop of heaven.

I am remembering all the times when I got sick and my dad would sit with me and sing me this song.

Love you Daddy

Everything me!

2008-04-16T12:27:00.001-07:00

Someone suggested that i start blogging about me and my experiences! So herez it.

He suggested that it will help others see my 'soul' I don't know about that. But my purpose of starting this blog is to understand myself better and to express my humble opinion on everything and everyone I come across. Ok, so my opinion won't be humble all the time and I will try not to name these people in my life while I talk about them.

So herez to some soul searching and some other things... and if you figured me out then let me know because I have been trying hard for the last couple of years and came to a dead end!