Mental Health

I am writing this post as I want my children to know that it was not easy being a mother.

Don't get me wrong being a mom is the purest joy of my life.  But after my 2nd pregnancy I went through hell internal and external.

2nd pregnancy was very difficult with a added Auto immune as a bonus.  Once the delivery happened, there were wonderful in law fights and hell.  Of course fights with the husband.  Own family members breaking my heart. The most happiest time in my life turned nightmare-ish.  Work sucked (lost direct reports in the mere fact that i was a returning mom to work)  Had to pretty much quit my job.  Earned planter factious, hip pain, shoulder pain.  Had to leave my beautiful home due to many fights fights fights...  Made a decision to stay as family for the sake of children.  Move across the coasts to restart life.  New jobs (2 already) to try to fit in and contribute.... Absolutely unfullfuilling job ever.

Some where along the way postpartum depression turned into "Adjustment Disorder"  I guess this is what my shrink calls it.  Having difficultly to cope with current life itself.  Depressive moods. Lack of interest.  Anxiety.  Lost energy in the core.  Absolutely zero career satisfaction. Aboslutely zero relationship satisfaction. Zero  interest in the materialistic life. Sadness.

Through out all this I am still your best mom.  You are still the best thing that happened to me.  This part of my life is fully fulfilled.  Its weird how two stories can coexist within me at the same time.

I am writing this to you because i want you to know, that it was VERY hard for your mom.  You are 7 and 3... you have bestest happiest life.  I am making sure of it while I am going through this.

Did I mention to you guys that there is the corona virus going around this time around the world and we are quarantined for 2 weeks now and possibly even more. So the world is also a bit of sad right now.

Here is a question Mahi you are asking me right now:  What kind of star wears sun glasses?  - Answer:  a movie star of course!  Krish you are sitting right next to me leaning in watching TV. 

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Wow I have not blogged in for almost 6 years!  I need to write more I feel like looking back at my blog posts gives me a good perspective on what i have achieved in my life.

My number 1 and most important achievements are my children. Mahi and Krish

Thats my little 2 with my Mom.  Mahi is 7 and Krish is almost 3 (2 months away)  My Krishu is so naughty....  My Mahi is soo sweet.  They are with my mom.  Could I ask for more?  I treasure these 3.  The one that gave me life and the ones that i gave life to....  

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3 decades.  I have lived for 3 decades...

I look back and the biggest achievements for me so far...

1.  I lived.  I was born and i survived to see 30 years.  This is a great achievement.  Life is very precious.
2.  I Graduated from University of Waterloo.  Which isn't just any university... It is one of the tops and not just graduated but worked hard and earned me way out with honors degree. 
3.  Relationships... with my parents, extended family and my husband (for 5 years)
4.  Bought and own my own car... Honda CRV 2009
5.  Got a Job, well 4 jobs... Computech, Thomson Reuters, Bank of America and now JP Morgan Chase.  Each job a step up the ladder for me.
6.  My biggest achievement:  Had a baby...   My BEAUTIFUL WONDERFUL Mahi.   To be honest this achievement beats all the above 5.  The most common achievement given by nature (no need to work that hard as above)  is the most rewarding gift. I look forward to the next decade and beyond to be a mom to this little girl.

What to look forward for the next decade:  is to live and let live... Another baby, a place that i can call home.  Some travel.. Europe, Singapore.  And most of all be a greatest mom in the whole wide world.

Motherhood

Lot has changed in the last 9 months.  Can't believe time is running so fast.  I have so many stories to tell about my little Mahi.

Apart from joy and happiness of motherhood, she bought clarity into my life.  I am more focused now.  I work hard to get things done and I am overall a better person than I was before her.

I am more forgiving and forgetting of people.  I have moved on from the past hurts.  My focus is on now, NOW with my daughter, my mom and my husband. 

These 3 people in my life are bring me enormous joy.  If I will every look back in the future,  I will remember that 2012-2013 is the happiest time of my life.  Thank you baba for this. 

Introducing my daughter Mahi

My Mahi...

She changed my life forever.  My angel.  I am so blessed to be her mom.  Being a mom is privilage and a blessing.  I know it comes with lots of responsibilities.  But I feel like it is what I am supposed to do with my life.  I have a purpose for my life now.  To take care of this angel.

As a mom... My responsibilities are first to take care of her health (nurishment then hygine)  then her emotional health.. Make sure she is secure and happy.  Then my responsibility will be to help her mold her personality and lastly her education.  Help her be a successful person in this society. 

Mahi... if you ever read this please know that your mom loves you very much and you are a blessing in her life.  love
 

Goals Met so far

These were my goals this year:
1. Maybe baby
2. Pay off student loan
3. Help parents with their home building in India
4. Shamrock Shuffle
5. Fight for air
6. Maybe MBA Write GMAT.

I achieved a few of them

Paid off my student debt..  Fight for Air...  and of course the most important one BABY....

Forget Shamrock cause I was pregnant when it happened. :D 

So only 2 goals not achieved that I should have:
1.  Help parents with their home building in India
2.  Write GMAT..

Will transfer these to next here, pregnancy is not an easy thing to handle anyway

More on my baby later

Two Faces to the Coin

As Oprah says... I just had a aaaha movement. 

I had an Aaaha movement.  Everything in life happens for a reason.  A lesson i need to learn.  I have learned my lesson. 

You know the red flags that show up in life and you ignore them until they blow up in your face.  I saw the signs but never realized they were there until bam they hit me, and they knocked me down hard.  A person has two faces.  You see the glimpse of the dark side but you ignore it until you can't ignore it anymore. 

Another thing i learned is that it is ok not to be loved/understood by every body.  It is ok for relationships to end.  It is ok to distance myself from dysfunctional family.   It is ok to be content with my own life.