Diva like

Birthdays make you diva like... thank god it's over. I am back... 27 years old and 2 more to go for the big 30

It's my birthday

It's my birthday....

I am getting calls over calls. But I feel so empty inside. I am touched by people I loved but I feel untouched. Why am I feeling this way. Why is there this emptiness in my heart. I am looking answer and not finding it outside. Is it because God left me and I let him. I feel drained by relationships, disappointments and people in general. No one seems to be what I thought they are. Everyone has hurt me, I don't want to have any deep relationships or attachments. If not now they will break your heart. so why bother.

Something old becomes new

This world is truly small. These are some short experiences for me


1. Met a neighbor friend in IIT conference.
2. Met school classmate from JHPS in temple in Pitsburg
3. Met my waterloo friend in Chicago, IL (she moved here after marriage)

The world is truly small or it just seems that way to me. Either way I am excited that Namratha (waterloo friend) moved to Chicago. Something old is new again.... Old aquaitance is new again.

First day at your first job

I remember the jitters. Will I survive this and will I make it in this world. An intern joined our company today and I can see the fear in her face. I am sure my brother who just started working is feeling the same way.

If one thing I learned in the last 5 years of working, yes it's been 5 years since I was a student! Can you believe it? I am no longer the junior kid, or the youngest in the group. Kind of miss that attention. But on the flip side I am not the naive any more. I can handle the dynamics of work life. I have some experience. I am not the most experienced, not the best in the lot, but I consider myself a good developer.

Any way back to what I learned in the past 5 years is that time flies fast. Hence, the place you are stuck in right now won't last forever. Work is very fulfilling as long as you have balance in life. I could tell this to my brother but it's a lesson one has to learn on their own. Their experiences will teach it to them, good or bad.

Back to the 5 year thing... omg can you believe it, it's been 5 years since I started working! And 10 years since I graduated from high school... yes I got my 10 year reunion party! Next thing I know there will be kids popping out of me, so help me GOD.

Qs I want to ask myself

I got this suggestion from O Magazine..... Every day we ask questions to our self... Am I wearing my seat belt right now? What should I eat today? Did I turn off the oven? Lot of these questions are crucial for life. What about questions we ask for our soul? Were here are mine I ask my self!

1. Why do I not get motivated to hit the gym?
2. Why do I like chips over sweets?
3. Why do I have to finish a whole bag of chips? Why can't I eat with proportions for the day?
4. Why do I not let go of the relationship problems in my life? Why do they always come back to haunt me?
5. Why is it so easy for me to be a vegetarian but not be a healthy eater?
6. Why am I here? What am I meant to do in this life?
7. Where am i wrong?
8. What memories am I bartering and is the profit worth the price?
9. Why am I lazy?
10. Why do I thinks thoughts that hurt and not heal, when I know I should
11. Why is it that I am so successful in most aspects of my life but lack in some, mainly certain relationships (why the hell do I care) and my weight?
12. Am I stagnated in my life right now? Should I be kicking something now? Why am I not motivated to do so?
13. Will I be a good mom? When ever that may be...

Relationship Drought

When a person leaves a relationship they leave a mark, but why does the mark turn into a scar

One person walked out of my life. It had nothing to do with me. It had something to do with my family feud (that has been going on since before my birth) She was supposed to be objective about the position I was in and understand my feeling but she choose to walk away. Her lose right.

Another example is one my friend. She was going though a rough patch. Divorce. She was trying to to move on with her life and I helped her, at least I thought I was helping her find a job in chicago. However she found a job in another place and moved away. Which is completely fine and I was very happy for her but the thing that hurt me was she never told me in person her dicision and lied to my face and constantly told me she took the chicago job and couldn't have the fact to tell me 'thank you but no thanks' She started avoiding my calls, stopped calling me. She was disrespectful to the friendship and who I was.

There are many more examples like this. Why can't they be straight to me. Why can't they be honest? Why do people have to be petty. If I come out of the box called my life and I see my self with all my relationships I see that I am expecting all the people in my life to live for greatness. I am expecting them to never make mistakes and to be more than human.

After this and many more disappointing relationships with friends and family members. I am giving up on them. My husband tells me I should have that many expectations on people. But I can't help myself. If I give them a hand to shake then I expect them to extend there hand to shake back.


God give me strength to walk alone

Ganesha

Hi Ganesha,

Thank you for coming into my life in many forms. I thought it was the lost cause after one of your idols broke, but you kept manifesting in my life through gifts from others. I drew this ganesha out of my heart.

Love,

Aparna