Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Old times remembered


Miss all the eagan fun. Miss u gals and krishna who is not in this pic

Why are relationships so complicated?

Have you ever got an answer to this question- ' Why are relationships so complicated?

Why is there so much misunderstandings and mistrust between people. In my recent times I have seen relationships fall out. Siblings who were close for the last 50 years had a fallout. And everything they were for each other all these years has been undone on one situations. Are relationships this fragile? Are they as delicate as a flower petal that they blow away with one blow, with one miss-understanding!

In my short life I have also seen relationships build. Where there was no love lost between brothers, there was immanence love created in time. Life lessons have thought these brothers how to put aside their egos and help and be there for each other. I have seen husband and wife truly fall in love after 15 some years of marriage and many mistakes.

What worked in this case? Is it patience? Because i don't think anyone of these people were trying to be patient! Was it luck? Is there such a thing in life? Is it god's grace? Maybe.

One thing I saw is that... no matter what these brothers didn't leave in the relationship. I don't mean leave as physically leaving the building, I mean leaving the relationship because things got rough. I am not talking about abusive relationships here (either emotional or physical) I am talking about real relationships!

Another reason is Expectations! People change and with change brings new expectations. And with new expectations there is disappointments. And then there is unrealistic expectations.

Another reason is people live in dream world. They don't see people for who they really are. This is one of the mistakes I made. I put people in pedestal and expect nothing less but greatness. Even though they show their true self one in a while. I ignore it and make excuses for them. I think they will change, and keep going with my dream world. Until reality sets in, and the last straw is drawn and I see them for who they really are, less than perfect, Human! It is shocking for me to come to this realization. At the end it feels like I am the idiot for not seeing it coming.

So what can we do to make relationships work. Now that's a million dollar question. If know the answer I would be rich. I would save all broken marriages, and no parents will end up in old age homes because their kids will take care of them and there would be world peace.


Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Heaven

Where is Heaven?

Heaven is where mom is! I am in my parent's living room. My mom is cooking my favorite food. And the smell, oh my. Fried rice with raitha, it's filled with amazing spices and vegetables but mostly my mother's love, the best ingredient.

I can never get too old for this. Love you amma

Monday, December 20, 2010

If I had all the money in the world...

Ok maybe not all the money but lets say million dollars:

I would firstly secure my parents future.
I would buy my self a beautify home
Have 2 kids
Travel
Invest

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Dear Dad

Here are the 101 reasons why you are the best...

1. I am your daughter and I know it
2. You are kind
3. You are wonderful
4. You are an inspiration
5. I admire you
6. You are a great son
7. You have dreams
8. You believe in the best of me
9. You are individualistic
10. You are sensitive
11. You want whats best for me
12. You compromise
13. You are Unique
14. You are a good husband
15. You believe in God
16. You are heroic
17. You live in US for us
18. You are unique
19. You are caring
20. You work
21. You are my hero
22. You are my mother's hero
23. You shine like a star
23. I love you
24. You are gentle
25. You are a gentlemen
26. You are a good friend
27. You are a great brother
28. You are there for me
29. You don't drink
30. You don't smoke
31. You don't party
32. You don't do drugs
33. You listen to me (well sometimes)
34. Its fun to talk to you
35. You give me foot massages, even if you are tired
36. You have a good sense of fashion
37. You have a good sense of humor
38. You are cool.
39. I love the way you say 'What's up Man'
40. You are handsome
41. You shave
42. You wear cool cloths
43. You yell at me when I am wrong
44. You yell at me when I am selfish
45. You are a good influence.
46. You are respectable
47. You are respected
48. Cause mommy says so
49. Because I am taking time to write this
50. I already have 50 down for you
51. You have Indian Culture
52. You love India and America and Canada
53. You sing sweet
54. I love when you sing in the car
55. You are a good father in law
56. You are a good dancer (love to see you dance with shashank)
57. You are a bad actor
58. You did 2 movies (my movie star)
59. You always spend money on me
60. You trust me
61. You rock
62. You love farming
63. You are down to earth
64. Mom is head over heals for you
65. You love me
66. You love mom
67. You love Vamsi
68. You love Shashank
69. You love everyone I love
70. You want to be there for us
71. You are a perfectionist
72. You show your tears
73. You have a wonderful heart
74. You made a good person out of me
75. You have a great smile
76. You have a handsome laugh
77. You wear glasses
78. You say 'no' sometimes
79. You are almost right about everything and everyone
80. You are not perfect
81. You have flaws
82. You are an Idle
83. I admire you
84. You have stories to tell. (Love your bed time stories)
85. You listen to good music
86. You listen to mom
87. You put up with mine and vamsi's crap
88. You put up with mom's crap (don't tell her I said this)
89. You love and respect my mother (a best thing a father can do)
90. You carried the burdens for us
91. You change for us in a good way
92. You are loved by people around you
93. We have a lot in common
94. Vamsi is your son
95. You have a good, pleasant personality
96. I think you are
97. For Scale 1 to 10, 1 being worst and 10 being the best, I give you 8
98. No one can have 9 or 10, that's not a perfect dad's definition. Dad's got to have flaws
99. You are simply the best
100. See I already have 100 reasons, need I say more
101. Cause I said so...

Love you Daddy, Your little girl ( Amma Dhayi)

Thursday, November 25, 2010

I wish I could...

I wish I could....

1. Meet Oprah and have a nice little conversation.
2. Go to Jerusalem and see what the promised land is all about
3. Be in the cover of a magazine
4. Be in a makeover show - maybe fashion or house makeover
5. Have a small little puppy to love and care (and of course my husband does all the work)


I am putting this out in the universe and let's see what happens?

Sunday, November 7, 2010

If you do the Ordinary, God will do the extra-Ordinary

I started this blog in order to share a little about myself. I have always been positive in this blog but I realized if this blog is about me, it should be both positive and negative and everything about me... So I am changing the theme of this blog.... It is more of a diary about me now...

God, If only I was thinner....

Thank you for giving me the answer today

* The creator of the universe has lined up everything to help me overcome
* God can multiple my strength
* If God is before me, who dares to be against me
* God can take something ordinary and turn it into extra-ordinary
* God is trying to get my attention, sending me hearth ache, pain and suffering. He wants you to rely on him.

Use what I have and God will take me where I need to be
God has put the people, opportunity and resources in front of me. They may look insignificant but with his blessing I can do it. The people around me who will support me are my husband, mom and dad. The resources are already there I just need to look at them. The opportunity is there and most of all God's blessing. I just need to realize and be ready myself.

What I need is the attitude. This is harder than school/college degree. But that's just in my mind. God help me overcome my body consciousness and this fear. Help me I am getting lost in this negative attitude.

I know I have to take the baby steps, every small decision counts. It's like an addiction but with your grace I can overcome it instantaneously. Why do i need to think of it as overcome, when you are there it should be that easy help me overcome it now. What can I do to get started. Should I fast for a day, will that help me believe in myself. What is the answer. How do I step in your grace.

I know when I was looking for a good job and I prayed. You solved the problem after two months and that took patients, is that what I need now. But this challenge's solution is everyday. Everyday I have to win, every second I have to win. I have faith in you and I need faith in myself. You gave me this body and you know how to make it effective. Help me have the best body so it doesn't restrict me from being the best self.

Thank you Baba, I am greatfuly for everything you have given me in life, my great parents and my great husband. And my great career. Please help me achieve this one too.

Monday, October 11, 2010

My Fav Actor


I am not a big celebrity fan. I don't follow or go gaga over any actor/actress. But there is one actor I admire and would love to meet. Maurice Benard. He suffers from Bipolar Disorder. I admire his strength and courage.

I am a Maurice Benard Fan.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

My Fav Cake


My Favorite cake is black forest cake. Oh the chocolate cake and the yummy whip cream. yum. It is not my favorite because it tasty but because it is my comfort food. A favorite person of mine gifted it to me to lift my blues.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Grand Parents


It is very special to have grandparents. I have been truly blessed. It's like having your own set of admirers. At the prime of their age they were like any other adult. They had their strengths and they made their mistakes. But old age turned them to children. They seem to need so much love and reassurance. I love them and miss having them with me. I can't wait to see them.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

To be or not to be traditional….

I grew up in the India or maybe United States. You see I came to US when I was 13 years old. So it's hard to define me as an Indian or an American. What is my identity? Where do I belong?

I grew up (post 13) being confused. Should I follow the traditional life my parents have bestowed upon me? Or should I follow my peers? After a painful confused 10 years of my life, at age 21 it dawned upon me that I did not have to pick one. I can be whatever I wanted to be. I can choose to be traditional at some aspects of my life and not the other. Whatever made me and happy and comfortable.

Finally after multiple disagreements, drawing of boundaries with my parents and relatives I was about to find a balanced happy life. Until I got married!!!!!

Don’t get me wrong I am content with my marriage. I love my husband and am convinced that he is my sole-mate. We are the best fit for each other. But the problem is …. To be or not be traditional!

Suddenly my choice is no longer mine. I can no longer choose for myself when to be traditional and when to be modern. My modern yet traditional view of myself is no longer the same.

To bluntly put it… I know what my in-law family would like me to be... I know what my husband would like me to be... Traditional. Wear traditional long hair. Speak in more respectful Telugu language (never mind if I respect or not.) Cook for all. Clean for all. Be lovingly serving person. Basically all the Indian wifely duties Change the last name.

I am here at the state of my life and confused on not what to be but how to let these people know that it is up to me to be traditional. I am not sure how to explain to these people that growing long hair does not define any Indian culture. Speaking respectful Telugu does not define any respect. Changing last name does not defy family its love. The cooking and the cleaning and the duties are usual.

As I am writing this I am feeling that I am fighting a battle. I realize that I am not fighting this battle not with them but with myself. I am back to square one… Who am I? Who do I want to be? What do I want to choose? This state of confusion is holding me back on being the best me and sharing the best life with my husband. How do I set boundaries with everyone around me to give them some of me and yet hold back at some to what makes me me!

I guess I will figure it out as life moves…

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Marriage Agrees with me


I never thought I would feel this comfortable sharing my self with a person. Marriage agrees with me. I feel enriched and empowered just to have this person in my life. Shashank...


Mahi is Done with One

Where did the time go.  New different kind of memories due to covid19