Corona

World is in a Pandemic!

Corona Covid-19 a new noval virus.  Noval virus means it has never been hosted by a human body.  The news is that it started in some market in China or maybe lab.  The world is suffering.

Let me correct it,  the Mother Earth is flourishing as we humans are being forced to go indoor and put in our place.  Animals and fish are coming out enjoying their world.  The Earth that belongs to them. 

The only suffering is humans!  Yes I don't want to make this a spiritual bla bla.  The health care providers, the suppliers, politicians and many ppl are working hard to save lives.  I can't be sitting at home quarantined, unaffected and talking about this so impersonally.

Yes I understand the seriousness of whats going on with the world and humans.  What I want to say is that I am not 'annoyed' that i have to stay home during this crisis.  I am not upset that the economy is in standstill.  It will recover unlike the lives lost.  Yes there is temporary suffering but its not permanent. 

Also this disease is effecting older and weaker community.  You might say survival of the fittest and let it spread, worst case it will bring the population count down.  But that's an impersonal way to look at it.  What if that is your family member that is the one number that is bringing the population count down.  Are you prepared to accept the pandemic then?  This is how Dharma works.  Is it the right for me or right for the human kind or right for the world.  What is the right thing to do? 

Either way how i feel about this, it is happening all around the world now.  How little control do i have in this whole thing but to just sit around and wait for time to take its course?  What i do get to do is spend time with my children.  Be grateful for the health of my family and time I have on this earth.  Even though I don't know how much time and with whom. I am grateful I have time.

Mental Health

I am writing this post as I want my children to know that it was not easy being a mother.

Don't get me wrong being a mom is the purest joy of my life.  But after my 2nd pregnancy I went through hell internal and external.

2nd pregnancy was very difficult with a added Auto immune as a bonus.  Once the delivery happened, there were wonderful in law fights and hell.  Of course fights with the husband.  Own family members breaking my heart. The most happiest time in my life turned nightmare-ish.  Work sucked (lost direct reports in the mere fact that i was a returning mom to work)  Had to pretty much quit my job.  Earned planter factious, hip pain, shoulder pain.  Had to leave my beautiful home due to many fights fights fights...  Made a decision to stay as family for the sake of children.  Move across the coasts to restart life.  New jobs (2 already) to try to fit in and contribute.... Absolutely unfullfuilling job ever.

Some where along the way postpartum depression turned into "Adjustment Disorder"  I guess this is what my shrink calls it.  Having difficultly to cope with current life itself.  Depressive moods. Lack of interest.  Anxiety.  Lost energy in the core.  Absolutely zero career satisfaction. Aboslutely zero relationship satisfaction. Zero  interest in the materialistic life. Sadness.

Through out all this I am still your best mom.  You are still the best thing that happened to me.  This part of my life is fully fulfilled.  Its weird how two stories can coexist within me at the same time.

I am writing this to you because i want you to know, that it was VERY hard for your mom.  You are 7 and 3... you have bestest happiest life.  I am making sure of it while I am going through this.

Did I mention to you guys that there is the corona virus going around this time around the world and we are quarantined for 2 weeks now and possibly even more. So the world is also a bit of sad right now.

Here is a question Mahi you are asking me right now:  What kind of star wears sun glasses?  - Answer:  a movie star of course!  Krish you are sitting right next to me leaning in watching TV. 

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Wow I have not blogged in for almost 6 years!  I need to write more I feel like looking back at my blog posts gives me a good perspective on what i have achieved in my life.

My number 1 and most important achievements are my children. Mahi and Krish

Thats my little 2 with my Mom.  Mahi is 7 and Krish is almost 3 (2 months away)  My Krishu is so naughty....  My Mahi is soo sweet.  They are with my mom.  Could I ask for more?  I treasure these 3.  The one that gave me life and the ones that i gave life to....